I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
