he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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