A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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