Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
