But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
