he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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