did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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