This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
