pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
