is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
