3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
