If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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