craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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