Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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