In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
