grandma shit on top of the toilet
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
