I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
