We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I supernannyed him into submission
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize