It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
