this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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