Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
