you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
