it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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