dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
