I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
