Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
