stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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