Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
