It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I AM VODKA MAN
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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