nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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