Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
