oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
