arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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