the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
