if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
