You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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