Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
