i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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