i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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