Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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