i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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