I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize