apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
