How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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