He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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