I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
