I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
