I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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