the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
