Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
