Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
