Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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