Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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