She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
