If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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