i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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