He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
