2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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