didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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