I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
