so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
