Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize