i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize