Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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