I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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