Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
