After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
