Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
