Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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