This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
