She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
