Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize