I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
