My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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