Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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