Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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