Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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