Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
