The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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