If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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